Posted May 15, 2009 (3 weeks into widowhood)
It was a good day Wednesday, although it started out teary as I studied the photos that our friends, Bobbie and Ed had enlarged and framed and brought with them to the Funeral Chapel on Saturday, April 25th. One was a picture of the West Virginia or Mississippi Mission Team that Buck was a part of, and the other was a picture of sleepy eyed Buck, drinking his early morning cup of coffee during one of those mission trips. I was putting the pictures away when I noticed he was wearing his W.V. camo cap; the same cap that was part of his burial clothes.
For those of you who didn’t know Buck very well, he was an avid outdoors man and highly skilled hunter. After the Lord and his Girfren, hunting was his great love. It wasn't just something that he did; it was a great part of who he was. It didn’t matter where we were, hiking in the woods or driving on the highway; he was constantly scanning the landscape for deer, wild turkeys, or any type of wildlife. He often spotted eagles and hawks with his keen observation. Just minutes before he experienced the onset of his indigestion type symptoms that turned out to be a heart attack, he noticed a deer in a ditch on the side of a back road, on our way home from Ed and Bobbie’s New Year’s Eve Party. He noticed the motion of the deer’s head as we passed by and he asked me if I had seen it. He had to turn around and go back to find out if that was what he had seen. Sure enough, the stunned, wounded deer popped his head up again as Buck approached him on foot. Buck was quite upset because he couldn’t find anything in the car to put him out of his misery. His compassion made it very difficult for him to drive away. Sadly, it would be the last deer he would lay his eyes on.
There was no question in my mind that Buck would wear camo to his grave. We never discussed it, but I knew he would approve; along with my decision to bury him barefoot. It just felt natural, fitting and perfect for him, an easy decision to make. His love of the outdoors and his affection for antique furniture influenced my choice of casket for him by choosing one made of beautiful oak; like Buck, sturdy and strong before our new year began.
My grieving towel comes in very handy each new day as the waves wash over me and the tears pour out. Pictures affect my emotions very easily and music is off limits for right now, as I prefer the quiet solitude of our, I mean “my”, new home. I think it will take a long time for me to think of myself as I instead of ”we”. One heart tucked inside the other, with the Lord in the center, just like my symbolic necklace. I love what my friend Bobbie said during her visit on Wednesday. When I mistakenly said we and corrected myself; she said, “ That’s okay, it’s just you and the Lord now”. So, “we” is still appropriate, just you and me, Lord. I like that. That realization brings me comfort.
For those of you who didn’t know Buck very well, he was an avid outdoors man and highly skilled hunter. After the Lord and his Girfren, hunting was his great love. It wasn't just something that he did; it was a great part of who he was. It didn’t matter where we were, hiking in the woods or driving on the highway; he was constantly scanning the landscape for deer, wild turkeys, or any type of wildlife. He often spotted eagles and hawks with his keen observation. Just minutes before he experienced the onset of his indigestion type symptoms that turned out to be a heart attack, he noticed a deer in a ditch on the side of a back road, on our way home from Ed and Bobbie’s New Year’s Eve Party. He noticed the motion of the deer’s head as we passed by and he asked me if I had seen it. He had to turn around and go back to find out if that was what he had seen. Sure enough, the stunned, wounded deer popped his head up again as Buck approached him on foot. Buck was quite upset because he couldn’t find anything in the car to put him out of his misery. His compassion made it very difficult for him to drive away. Sadly, it would be the last deer he would lay his eyes on.
There was no question in my mind that Buck would wear camo to his grave. We never discussed it, but I knew he would approve; along with my decision to bury him barefoot. It just felt natural, fitting and perfect for him, an easy decision to make. His love of the outdoors and his affection for antique furniture influenced my choice of casket for him by choosing one made of beautiful oak; like Buck, sturdy and strong before our new year began.
My grieving towel comes in very handy each new day as the waves wash over me and the tears pour out. Pictures affect my emotions very easily and music is off limits for right now, as I prefer the quiet solitude of our, I mean “my”, new home. I think it will take a long time for me to think of myself as I instead of ”we”. One heart tucked inside the other, with the Lord in the center, just like my symbolic necklace. I love what my friend Bobbie said during her visit on Wednesday. When I mistakenly said we and corrected myself; she said, “ That’s okay, it’s just you and the Lord now”. So, “we” is still appropriate, just you and me, Lord. I like that. That realization brings me comfort.
Dear Renee' Love the new definition of "we," and I hope Buck still wears his camos in heaven so I'll recognize him more easily when I get there! :) My Bruce wore a Looney Tunes tie, denim shirt, jeans and sandals.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year to you, dear blogging friend. May it hold rich rewards for you.