Posted May 21, 2009 ~ (One month into widowhood)
My friend, Ed, returned last Thursday to install a new belt on my lawn tractor. He also taught me how to start, operate and fuel my lawn tractor, push mower and weed whacker. Ed was a great teacher. Time will tell if I was a good student. I didn’t know that the weed whacker required a special mixture of gasoline; important details for this rookie to understand. Operating the noisy machine was a new experience for me. I’m going to need to develop some upper body strength and arm muscles (or guns as Sarah would say) to handle the rowdy yard tool.
I can understand why Buck enjoyed using the lawn tractor. It was kind of fun and I’m sure it will be rewarding when I mow the entire yard, probably on Friday. This week I attacked part of the yard that hadn't been mowed yet and it was quite challenging. The weeds had grown hip high, but I pretended that my push mower was a bush hog and got the job done. The weeds were so high, I was afraid I might damage the lawn tractor if I found something unforeseen the hard way. Keeping my one acre lot should be more manageable, now that I can see it clearly. Hopefully, I’ll do as nice a job as my Sweetheart always did. I always appreciated how pretty he kept our yard and wanted him to know what a great job he did.
I depended on him for so many things. I was so blessed to have such a handy husband. He was a jack of many trades and exercised his abilities on a continuous basis. He could repair almost anything and was quite ingenious at times. He loved the challenge and would always give it his best shot and would often render hopeless things to a useful, working condition once again. He often amazed me!
I have so much to learn, but I feel good about becoming a little more self-sufficient. I like to think my Bofren would be proud of his Girfren. I’ve really been missing him a lot and often it’s hard to comprehend that my reality no longer revolves around him. I have accepted the fact, but it still doesn’t feel real. It's been a month today and I still find it hard to believe that my best friend isn't here to share our new home!
On Saturday, I drove to my sister and brother-in-laws house. It was my first solo drive since my return home after spending two and a half weeks with Sarah and her family. The drive became very emotional as I reminisced that Buck always drove whenever we went anywhere together. I am constantly surrounded by and sometimes overwhelmed by the memories; memories of the wonderful life we shared! I look forward to the day when I can recall a precious memory and smile and enjoy the place they hold in my heart, instead of the predominate sadness that so often overtakes me. I know the healing will come and has surely already begun with tiny baby steps. I am especially thankful for tear free days, but I am getting used to the emotion filled moments when they arrive. I like the way Sarah describes them. "It's just all that love pouring out, Mom!" I thank God for each new day and for walking through my new life with me. I’m so glad I don’t have to go through this alone, as His Word clearly promises; He will never leave or forsake us!
I can understand why Buck enjoyed using the lawn tractor. It was kind of fun and I’m sure it will be rewarding when I mow the entire yard, probably on Friday. This week I attacked part of the yard that hadn't been mowed yet and it was quite challenging. The weeds had grown hip high, but I pretended that my push mower was a bush hog and got the job done. The weeds were so high, I was afraid I might damage the lawn tractor if I found something unforeseen the hard way. Keeping my one acre lot should be more manageable, now that I can see it clearly. Hopefully, I’ll do as nice a job as my Sweetheart always did. I always appreciated how pretty he kept our yard and wanted him to know what a great job he did.
I depended on him for so many things. I was so blessed to have such a handy husband. He was a jack of many trades and exercised his abilities on a continuous basis. He could repair almost anything and was quite ingenious at times. He loved the challenge and would always give it his best shot and would often render hopeless things to a useful, working condition once again. He often amazed me!
I have so much to learn, but I feel good about becoming a little more self-sufficient. I like to think my Bofren would be proud of his Girfren. I’ve really been missing him a lot and often it’s hard to comprehend that my reality no longer revolves around him. I have accepted the fact, but it still doesn’t feel real. It's been a month today and I still find it hard to believe that my best friend isn't here to share our new home!
On Saturday, I drove to my sister and brother-in-laws house. It was my first solo drive since my return home after spending two and a half weeks with Sarah and her family. The drive became very emotional as I reminisced that Buck always drove whenever we went anywhere together. I am constantly surrounded by and sometimes overwhelmed by the memories; memories of the wonderful life we shared! I look forward to the day when I can recall a precious memory and smile and enjoy the place they hold in my heart, instead of the predominate sadness that so often overtakes me. I know the healing will come and has surely already begun with tiny baby steps. I am especially thankful for tear free days, but I am getting used to the emotion filled moments when they arrive. I like the way Sarah describes them. "It's just all that love pouring out, Mom!" I thank God for each new day and for walking through my new life with me. I’m so glad I don’t have to go through this alone, as His Word clearly promises; He will never leave or forsake us!
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