Posted Sep 7, 2009 ~ ( 4 months into widowhood)
Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am a homebody. It’s where I love to be and although I feel the pain of Buck’s absence very deeply, it is fortunate for me, that I have no problem being alone. It’s the way God wired me and solitude is something I often crave, when I am constantly among others. As My Bofren would say, “Renee’ is like a cat; she likes to stay close to home”. He understood that part of me and gave me permission so to speak, by never having expectations when he wanted to go and I wanted to stay; whether it was a trip to York or to West Virginia, he gave me the freedom to be myself. It was a continuous gift that I highly treasured! It worked well for both of us, because he also had the liberty to do what he wanted to do, even if it meant going to W.V. to visit his family and go hunting for three weeks. You might remember that it was his heart’s desire to hike the Appalachian Trail which would have possibly taken as long as six months. It was a sweet freedom that made us appreciate each other all the more!
It matters not, if I am with family or friends, the desire to be by myself will arrive after several days, if not sooner. Seclusion is what I need to regroup and reenergize. It must be very difficult for those who have lost a loved one, especially a spouse, who do not enjoy being by themselves. I feel certain that if that described me, that the Lord would give me an extra measure of grace to cope and would make Himself and His presence even more evident as long as I was turning to Him to fill that void in my heart, as I do now.
I do, however, appreciate my time with my family and friends, more than ever before! They have been beyond warm, gracious, generous, kind and hospitable! I have been spending multiple days, sometimes a week, away from home, which has blessed me immensely and helped me to heal emotionally. Spending time with my family and friends has drawn us closer and intensified our relationships in ways that I never expected. I see this as a special gift from God and I am so thankful for His provision. My family and friends often anticipate things I might need even before I do. What a wonderful blessing all of them are to me!
|I think the grand-kids and party guests were surprised to see Nana with rainbow hair!|
I had a good time telling four-year-old Colin, a story about a talking cup of tea, that spent lots of time in the microwave because the Nana kept reheating and forgetting the poor mug of tea, in spite of the constant beeping and the cup of tea trying desperately to get the forgetful Nana’s attention. Colin loved the playful fantasy and I’m thinking he will be expecting more storytelling during future visits. There is something so pure, precious and wonderful about children’s laughter, be it infant, toddler or teen that restores a hurting heart and makes everything feel right again! I am so blessed!!!