Posted Jan 8, 2010
My first Christmas season without my Bofren is now behind me and I can’t help but reflect on how different it was without his presence. As my journey as a widow progresses, I am learning how much I don’t know about myself, and how easily and unexpectedly my emotions can surface. One thing I did know for certain; this year and probably all future years, our Christmas Eve traditions (as described in my “Scroogette” entry) would not be upheld. Frankly, I didn’t know what my Christmas was going to look like this year, but it would be a season of new traditions.
It wasn’t until I made a live wreath at my friend, Pat’s, invitation, that I had any desire to dress up my home for the holiday season at all. The wreath inspired me to do a little more, so I started by hunting for the stable that housed all our Nativity pieces. If I was going to decorate, I was going to keep it simple. I was in search of three pieces only: the baby Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. There would be no livestock and no Kings and their transports. I was pleased by it’s simplicity and will probably want to duplicate it in years to come.
As Christmas grew closer, I thought about the fact, that if I didn’t put a tree up, it would be the first time in my life that one of my favorite traditions would be missing. At that point, it didn’t feel right and I knew I had to do something about it, although I knew it would be painful emotionally and would require a lot of energy, which has been greatly lacking over the last several months. I knew it would be worth the effort and looking back, I realize I needed to maintain that tradition for me, even if no one else saw it.