Posted Jun 9, 2009 ~ ( 6 weeks into widowhood)
This past week produced a whirlwind of activity, starting last Wednesday with an overdue physical at my family doctor’s office. I wasn’t sure if the last six months of stress might have shown up on my EKG or affected my blood pressure numbers. Thankfully, my doctor was able to give me a good report. We talked at length about Buck as Dr. S. had never received any information from the hospitals. He was saddened as Buck had been his patient for many years and our doctor’s wife was raised close to where Buck grew up and they attended the same high school, although I don’t think they knew each other back then. Buck and our doctor always talked about Richwood, W.V. whenever Buck needed to get his annual physical or had an illness that needed attention. Dr. S. was generous with his time, concern and compassion, as were all the staff, for which I was most appreciative.
My daughter, Sarah and baby Kyrstin came to visit on Thursday. Our mission was to locate the photographs that Buck and I have collected over the last 12 years. We were excited to find Buck’s pictures first. We found lots of photos depicting Kevin and Jessi’s (my step-children) growing up years, including team pictures, when Buck coached soccer and softball teams. Looking through them was not very difficult because I didn’t know my sweetheart then. There was only one picture in particular that affected me emotionally. It was a picture of Buck holding Jessi as a tiny infant against his bare chest. They were both sleeping peacefully. It was a rendering of a tender moment that spoke volumes about the warm, loving father he was to his children.
Then Sarah and I were blessed to accomplish our mission by finding the box that held many but not all of our most special photos, including our wedding and honeymoon pictures. I debated if I should go through them, knowing the emotional effect that would follow. Throughout the day, I was feeling sensitive emotionally and decided it would probably be good for me to vent some of the building feelings. Reliving all the precious memories had the predictable outcome and was a very painful process. Nevertheless, I was so very thankful that we finally found the pictures and I sent them home with Sarah to use for the slide show that she is putting together for Buck’s Memorial on June 27th. I will be sure to bring my towel that day. You may want to do the same.
My friends Jim and Sue came to visit that evening while Sarah was still here. I was still wearing my grieving towel when they arrived. They knew it had been a difficult day for me, but I really appreciated something that Jim said to me. He reminded me how blessed I am to have such wonderful memories, as some unfortunate people have few or no good memories to hold on to. The memories are painful now, as of course; they intensify my already broken heart and make me miss my Bofren all the more. Reliving our wedding day was the hardest part, as it was so obvious, as all the pictures clearly captured, that it was the most joyful day of our lives and a beautiful celebration of our gratitude to God for bringing us together! I am indeed so blessed to have so many wonderful memories to cherish and hold forever in my heart.
My daughter, Sarah and baby Kyrstin came to visit on Thursday. Our mission was to locate the photographs that Buck and I have collected over the last 12 years. We were excited to find Buck’s pictures first. We found lots of photos depicting Kevin and Jessi’s (my step-children) growing up years, including team pictures, when Buck coached soccer and softball teams. Looking through them was not very difficult because I didn’t know my sweetheart then. There was only one picture in particular that affected me emotionally. It was a picture of Buck holding Jessi as a tiny infant against his bare chest. They were both sleeping peacefully. It was a rendering of a tender moment that spoke volumes about the warm, loving father he was to his children.
Then Sarah and I were blessed to accomplish our mission by finding the box that held many but not all of our most special photos, including our wedding and honeymoon pictures. I debated if I should go through them, knowing the emotional effect that would follow. Throughout the day, I was feeling sensitive emotionally and decided it would probably be good for me to vent some of the building feelings. Reliving all the precious memories had the predictable outcome and was a very painful process. Nevertheless, I was so very thankful that we finally found the pictures and I sent them home with Sarah to use for the slide show that she is putting together for Buck’s Memorial on June 27th. I will be sure to bring my towel that day. You may want to do the same.
My friends Jim and Sue came to visit that evening while Sarah was still here. I was still wearing my grieving towel when they arrived. They knew it had been a difficult day for me, but I really appreciated something that Jim said to me. He reminded me how blessed I am to have such wonderful memories, as some unfortunate people have few or no good memories to hold on to. The memories are painful now, as of course; they intensify my already broken heart and make me miss my Bofren all the more. Reliving our wedding day was the hardest part, as it was so obvious, as all the pictures clearly captured, that it was the most joyful day of our lives and a beautiful celebration of our gratitude to God for bringing us together! I am indeed so blessed to have so many wonderful memories to cherish and hold forever in my heart.
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